Playing conformist and docile activist

I like to think I’m a martyr. That I chose the 9-5 to learn all about it from the inside.

You have to learn about systems in order to break them, I said.

Again and again.

Rules and regulations.

Again and again.

This is good.

Then one by one my friends left their jobs, homes, and even their beds.

I became angry with them – it’s a privilege I said.

You don’t see single moms or dads droppin the cubby for the treehouse in Panama

Wait til your teeth fall out, sure, try out that dentist in Thailand

You tore your ACL, trust that therapist in Mali?

It’s a privilege I said.

A privilege to take risks,

A privilege to dump all your shit there

To leave it here.

To say you don’t need it.

Because it’s cheaper there?

I am happy.

One by one they left.

For adventure, for love, for creativity, for challenge.

For something more, for less…for insights

and less burdens.

For likes, for dislikes.

For arms outstretched, wide.

It’s a privilege I said.

Would you leave if your mum had cancer?

If your dad left your mum?

If you had a whole family of 5? Trust the schools in Mozambique?

This is good for me.

I work 9-5 so my mom can tell her mother in 5-9 words what the hell I do and for who and where.

No more, peace corpse where?

I am a martyr you see?

Isn’t it clear, that I’m giving up the dream?

The dream to be me?

I wish I could share with you…

the icons I click

the buildings I climb

the paper I print

the lights that turn on

and the air con that runs.

Because my parents will one day be old.

Because I need to explain. In words.

Because the paint will dry out

My hands will tire out

Their eyes and ears will no longer grasp,

the fight and the flight

of tripscollaborationscompostingmultimediacommunityasedprojectsjewelrycollectionsculpturegardenbicycleridehomebrewvacationssushisushisnowboardsoymilkcoffee

Soar.

I am learning.

How many others’ beds will we sleep on

Before we buy our own

How many beds will we give away

Before we keep our own

I am aware.

Can an activist be in repose?

At least for a while

A short while…

Long enough to enjoy her gym membership?

Yes, I know.

This life of mine, it is a privilege.

ode to the twenty-somethings

we who are young and incredibly bold,

we want to "do"something.

we want to have and make meaning

in our lives

and in the lives of others

we who are young,

are incredibly afraid the best

will never take shape

we who are young

understand life at a complexity beyond our

illiterate grandmothers,

are so so burdened by our grandfathers

we who are young,

are given extraordinary tools at birth

we always desire

and want

we who are young, inspire inquiry

we want to live with "purpose"

we who are over-prepared to change the world,

are inadequate

at changing habits

we disguise

we who want everything

we who are entitled to anything

want stability, freedom, and adventure

we who are young,

driven by innovation and ambition

are always so afraid

we who are young,

are fearless when battling injustices in their country,

neglect our inequities

we who are twenty-something

are entirely afraid, that there is never enough time

that too soon, is too late

we rush and we wait

we are so afraid we will know it

and not have

when we are thirty-something...

honesty methodology...

I am struggling to write my thesis. Here is how I started Chapter 3, at 9:32pm in my work cubicle on a friday night. fuck.


I don’t want to write this because it is intuitive, when I program, I go by my gut feeling. I look at what resources I have, who is interested, and I forecast the experience in my head, I imagine it, I picture what they would be doing, the questions they would ask, and I try, I try not to be jaded and assume they won’t care, or will be completely uninterested. And if that happens, I go with it, and I ask them what it is they want to do. I am nothing, nothing but someone who makes charts and templates and arranges a time for them to eat and pee. That is it, that is a curriculum plan, the content takes shape on its own, with the kids of course, and their thoughts, that is my method, I let them lead. So I guess that is participatory action research and here I am back to square one. I want to go home.